I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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