i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
a search helicopter?!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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