She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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