yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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