my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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