Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize