Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
