wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My breasts were aching with rage.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
