I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize