best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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