Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
