If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize