If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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