I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
