Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
