She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
