Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
