he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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