I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
