I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
