farters have to be the big spoon...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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