Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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