Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
