There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
