This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
