There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
