Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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