All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize