i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
