Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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