So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
