He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Damn victory sex feels great
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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