My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize