Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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