If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
