I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
