he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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