I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
