I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
