I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
