I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize