well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
don't judge my taste in strippers
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
