you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
