I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
