He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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