Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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