If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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