i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
