this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
