Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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