Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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