Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
