Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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