***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
