i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
