sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
