He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
