hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Girls should come with a carfax report
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
