like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
