I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
