I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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