i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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