He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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