Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize