How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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