I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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