4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
