I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
