Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
