Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
