It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
