oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
