I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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