I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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