Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
