Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
its liver damage thursday
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
