I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
