a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
one might say we're banned from that church
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
