You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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