What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
