I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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