Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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