I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
