I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
