you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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