Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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