Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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