Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
