So drunk its hurt
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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