Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
