His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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