Can i not drive my cunt home
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
