Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
