once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
