she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
