I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
