Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
