the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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