the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
