Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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