your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
