youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
