A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
