Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
