Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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