So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
