but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
